The Illegal Wife: Psychology of the Kabit

When I do counseling for betrayed women, the common sentiment they express about their husbands is this:  “Mas matatanggap ko pa na nagsakabilang buhay ang asawa ko kaysa sa nagsakabilang bahay siya. (It would have been easier for me to accept that my husband died than for him to have an affair.)

Tales of infidelity evoke a lot of emotions in us.  For the wife, we feel pity.  For the husband, we feel anger.  And for the mistress, we feel loathing and despise.  The mistress gets instantly branded as a wrecking ball, and gets blamed for being a home-wrecker.  Never mind if conflict was already brewing between the couple even before she stepped in.  By whatever name we call her, be it kabit, kerida, kalaguyo, or kulasisi, all fingers point to her as the kontrabida to the marital relationship.

As a psychotherapist, it’s not only betrayed spouses that I get to interview, mistresses too seek out counseling sessions for themselves.  From them, I’ve learned that not all mistresses are alike.  In fact, they could be categorized into the following types:

• The Accidental Mistress:  This lady innocently falls in love with a man whom she honestly did not know was married.  When she did find out about his marital status, it was too late.  Their lives had already become tightly intertwined, making it difficult for her to ship out.
• The “Like Mother-Like Daughter” Mistress:  This lady either had a mother who was also a mistress, or whose mother was the legal wife married to an unfaithful husband.  By being a mistress, she ended up having a relationship similar to that of her parents’.
• The “Father Figure-Daughter Figure” Mistress:  This lady seeks out an older man who acts like a “father figure” to her. 

• The “Fu*k Buddy” Mistress:  This lady is only after the sexual fun she can get.  She may not care too much whether her guy is married or not.  "Fubus" just want a sexual playmate.
• The “Desperate-for-Any-Relationship” Mistress:   This lady has decided that she’s up for grabs with anyone who’s willing to take her, even if the guy happens to be married.  Her motto is “Any one is better than none.” 
• The Professional Mistress:  This lady may be the mistress of one married man, or the mistress of many married men.  She neither expects commitment from men nor wants to be committed to them.  She values her independence and freedom, and abhors being tied down by the obligations of a relationship.  She is like a perpetual and regular “date” who simply enjoys the best of what married men can offer her.   

• The “Wife Competitor” Mistress:  This lady wants to prove to the wife that she is the more desirable woman.  Her primary goal is to make the married guy get an annullment so they can get married.   

• The “Filling-in-the-Wife’s-Weaknesses” Mistress:  This lady has traits, qualities, or skills which the married guy looks for in a girl but which his wife lacks. 
• The “Trophy Girlfriend” Mistress:  This lady is someone to show off and make other guys drool with envy.  The trophy girlfriend is usually treated like a princess.

• The “User” Mistress:  This lady exploits the married man for his financial and material resources.
• The “Should-Have-Been-the-Real-Wife” Mistress:  This lady is the woman whom the guy really wanted to marry, but for some reason, he ended up with another woman instead. 

If there was one advice I could give to women on the verge of entering an illicit affair, it would be a resounding “Don’t!”  As much as there are joys and perks to being a mistress, it also means being entangled in a sticky web of lies, secrecy, and emotional hurts.  Because the mistress is in a relationship with a cheater, she will never receive the full assurance that she won’t be cheated on herself.  As for those who are already immersed in an illicit affair, you might need counseling sessions to preserve your sanity. 

Is Getting a “Happy Ending” Cheating?

We all love happy endings, don’t we? Kids get their share of happy endings from fairy tales, while women, they get them from romantic books and movies. 

Some men however have a different connotation of what a “happy ending” is. For them, a happy ending is the sexual service offered by a masseuse (or masseur) after a massage. It’s the type of “happy ending” which they get at a ‘spakol,” which is the Pinoy slang for a spa that offers “jakol (i.e., masturbation).” The sexual service though is not limited to a hand job. The happy ending may also include a blow job or any sexual play which falls short of actual sexual intercourse.

“Happy endings” are also called “extra service.” But if you think about it, happy endings can hardly be called “extra” because it is specifically the sexual service which customers seek out. The massage is really what is "extra” because it merely serves as a prelude or warm-up to the sexual event.

Masseuses and masseurs offer happy endings because for them, it literally and figuratively is a “quickie” way to augment their pitifully meager income. For one, happy endings are a sexual service of high demand among men. Secondly, happy endings are a lucrative service since they cost as much or even much more than the massage itself.

Despite the sexual service they provide, these masseuses and masseurs do not consider themselves as prostitutes. Unlike prostitutes who have no qualms about sexual penetration, these masseuses and masseurs have a streak of morality which makes them draw limits to the sexual services they provide. They refuse to go “all the way” with customers, limiting themselves to “lending a hand” (and/or their mouth) to help their customers get the “release” that they came for.

Expectedly, when a woman discovers that her husband or boyfriend has been going to a spakol, she feels betrayed, disillusioned, angry, and devastated. She cannot understand why her man needs to be masturbated by someone else when she could have done it to him herself. The woman nags her partner to no end, asking for micro-details about his encounters even if she knows that the information will devastate her.  She feels confused because she wants to forgive him, but feels that she can never trust him again. What a mix of emotions the lady goes through! 

Guys' minds however are wired differently.  And thus, they have a different perception of their spakol experience:

• Guys tend to think that getting a happy ending is not infidelity because there is no emotional intimacy involved. He does not “make love’ with the masseuse. Theirs is merely a functional relationship between “masseuse-slash-professional masturbator” and male customer. 
• Guys reason out that a happy ending is the much safer alternative of getting sexual release than having sex with a prostitute. 
• Guys also consider happy endings to be in the same category as masturbation and watching pornography. For them, these are normal sexual activities which most males do in privacy and in secrecy. Many guys therefore don’t feel guilty about getting happy endings because it simply is a ‘guy thing.’ 
• Getting a happy ending has little or nothing to do with whether he is sexually satisfied with his partner or not. Even if the guy has satisfying and regular sex with his parter, he may still seek out happy endings for the mere fun, relaxation, and pleasure of it. 
• And lastly, it's not that guys want to lie about getting happy endings.  It's just that they don't feel obliged to report it to anyone else.   For one, they know that their wife or partner is not going to understand. And secondly, they want to avoid the hysterical reaction over what guys would just consider a menial thing. 

So, to answer the question as to whether getting a happy ending is cheating or not, the answer depends on what the couple expects of each other. Cheating can only occur when there is an expectation or agreement for the couple to be sexually exclusive to each other, but that expectation or agreement gets violated. Simply put, if the woman doesn’t mind that her guy gets happy endings, then it isn’t cheating.

   

The Psychology of Bolitas: When Having Two Balls Is Not Enough

As a psychiatrist who deals with sex-related problems, I meet more and more wives in the counselling room who complain about their husband’s penis. No, it’s not about size that they complain about. These wives are annoyed that their husbands have studded the stem of their penis with tiny solid balls- the so-called “bolitas.” For them, the presence of bolitas is a sign that their husbands are playing around.

The surgical procedure for inserting bolitas is a form of body modification known as “genital beading” or "pearling."  Tiny balls made of plastic, metal, glass, wood, fiberglass, or stone are surgically implanted underneath the penile skin to create a “bumpy” or nodule-infested penis. Steel ball-bearings make for good bolitas, but thanks to Pinoy resourcefulness, even rosary beads are used. The bolitas create friction against the vaginal canal during sexual intercourse, and it is this friction which is believed to drive women into a delirious state of sexual ecstasy. 

Historically, ancient Pinoy islanders were known to wear embedded ornaments on their penis. Magellan’s chronicler Antonio Pigafetta noted that "... both young and old males pierce their penises with a gold or tin rod the size of a goose quill, its ends shaped like the head of a nail." (Wikipedia) 

Before the bolitas became popular, Pinoy males used what is known as "pilik-mata ng kambing" as a vaginal tickler. The goat’s eyelids (with the eyelashes still attached) would be worn like a band around the penis during sexual intercourse thereby tickling the woman’s private parts. 

Among Pinoys, it is our seafarers who are notorious for having bolitas. Pinoys however are not the only guys who wear bolitas. Thais, for instance, call their little penile balls “fang muk.” Koreans call them “chagan balls.” Japanese call them “tancho balls. And as for American men, they call the bolitas by cute names such as “penis marbles” and “love pearls.” 

The psychological reasons for Pinoy men to stud their penis with bolitas are many: 

• Pinoy men who feel insecure about their penile length compensate by using their bolitas-laden penis to make their partner sexually happy. 
• Having bolitas makes Pinoy seamen popular among prostitutes. 
• Surrounding the penis with many bolitas fattens up a thin penis. 
• Having bolitas builds a sense of pakikisama with other Pinoy men who have a nodule-filled penis. 

The bottom line is that the bolitas serves as a sexual confidence-builder and ego-booster. Having bolitas however is not always free of complications: 

• Some men experience penile pain which worsens when the penis elongates during an erection. 
• Some men feel embarrassed during medical examinations or in going naked in public shower rooms. 
• For men with bolitas who develop erectile dysfunction, sterility, or cancer, they blame it on their bolitas. 
• Wives feel angry and disrespected since they associate their husband’s bolitas with infidelity and sexual promiscuity. 
• Some men worry that their wives will become sex addicts from the intense pleasure they derive from the bolitas, making them seek sexual encounters with other men. 
• Lastly, some men complain of sexual fatigue since they claim that their sexual partners want to have sex with them non-stop, all the time. 

Whatever guys say, believe, or experience about bolitas, the last word should come from the women who experience it. Their reviews? 

• Some women feel no difference between a normal penis and a penis studded with bolitas. 
• While some women feel no difference, they do notice the improvement in their partner’s self-confidence and sexual vigor after their bolitas surgery. 
• Many women hate their husband’s bolitas because it causes painful sex, vaginal wounds, bleeding, and infection. 
• Some women love it. 

For many women, whether they experience pleasure from the bolitas or not, the issue of greater concern is their husbands’ fidelity since they know that their husbands’ bolitas were intended to pleasure other women as well. 

Mommy Dionisia and her Voodoo Finger

Behind every man’s success, they say, is a woman. For Manny Pacquiao, the woman behind his victory over Timothy Bradley might very well be his mother, Mommy Dionisia. 

In an 11-second video clip that went viral, Mommy Dionisia was shown squirming anxiously in her seat and then forcefully thrusting her middle finger towards the boxing ring as if she was blasting Timothy Bradley with a voodoo hex. Netizens quickly tagged Mommy Dionisia as a sorceress of sorts whose voodoo powers helped her son win. If this was true in any way, it only proved that Bradley’s powerful fists were no match against Mommy Dionisia’s middle finger. 

Mommy Dionisia and her Voodoo Finger!

While Mommy Dionisia’s flamboyant mannerisms may have spurred jokes about hexes, curses, and spells, it did make some people curious about what voodoo really is.

Voodoo is a religion which originated in Africa 6000 years ago and is most popular in Haiti and New Orleans. Just like most ancient religions, voodoo rituals involve singing, chanting, dancing, drumming, and animal sacrifices. During the rituals, people get into a trance that allows deceased ancestors and spirits to enter them so that they can receive spiritual teachings and advice. Voodoo rituals also use spells for healing, for love, and for luck. But what people fear most are voodoo hexes and curses that cause illness, bad luck, or even death.

In the Philippines, hexes are known as “kulam” and are performed by a “mangkukulam” or local witch. It is in the provinces of Siquijor, Sorsogon, Samar, and Leyte that the practice of kulam proliferates. For Pinoys, the most common reasons to employ the services of a mangkukulam include: 

• Taking revenge on a person who has betrayed them in matters of love or money 
• Taking revenge on an abusive person 
• Edging out a competitor. 

Before a hex can be made, the mangkukulam will require an object that represents the intended victim. Using the blood, hair, or saliva of the intended victim is said to make the kulam more powerful. Through the recitation of Latin prayers, the mangkukulam calls upon spiritual forces to assist her. She then ensnares the victim’s soul by tying a string around a doll that represents the intended victim. Finally, the kulam is inflicted on the intended victim by pricking the doll with needles, burning it, hitting it or immersing it in water.

You’ve probably heard real-life stories of people getting sick or dying from a hex. This is also known as voodoo illness or voodoo death. Psychiatrists hypothesize that when a person discovers that he had been hexed, he develops an intense psychological terror which causes an overload of stress hormones to be released, thereby making the brain and body organs malfunction. What happens here is called the “nocebo” effect (opposite of placebo) wherein people who are told that they will experience something bad actually anticipate and experience it. Thus, psychiatrists are prone to believe that it is not the hex per se that sickens or kills people, but the intense fear that overwhelms them. As for those people who get sick or die without any knowledge that they were hexed, their illness or death probably happened by chance.  Or who knows?  Perhaps paranormal forces were really at work. 

In order to break a hex, some strategies which people use include the following:

• Making a doll to represent the mangkukulam and binding it up to paralyze its power
• Making a doll which represents the victim and redirecting the hex to the doll as proxy 
• Wearing protective amulets 
• Using mirrors to reflect the hex back to the mangkukulam. 

Of course, Christians turn to prayers, biblical verses, and fasting as they invoke the Holy Spirit for healing and protection.

To conclude, here are some thoughts to reflect on:

• For those of you who perform kulam or throw hexes, be reminded of the law of karma: whatever you sow, that you will also reap! 
• For those of you who employ the services of a mangkukulam, you are most likely an angry, vengeful, and desperate person. You are better off approaching a psychotherapist who will help rid you of emotional baggage and guide you towards forgiveness. 
• And lastly, for everyone else, be reminded that the opposite of throwing hexes is blessing others through prayers, good thoughts, kind words, and kind deeds.  Wouldn't our world be wonderful if everyone just did that?

   

Is "Pagtutuli" Really Necessary?

Summer is that time of the year when multitudes of Filipino boys “shed blood” to become men. No, it’s not in war that their blood is spilled, but in the surgical procedure called circumcision. 

For some reason, blood plays an important part in the coming-of-age of both girls and boys. Just as a girl’s first menstruation signifies her crossover from childhood to womanhood, Filipino boys undergo the bloody ritual of “pagtutuli” to enter manhood.

To appreciate what circumcision is, people first need to know what foreskin is: It is the loose fold of penile skin that slides over the penile head to cover it. Contrary to popular belief, the foreskin is not just extra and useless skin. It serves the special purpose of protecting the head of the penis from infections and injury, and it is a highly-erogenous area which is as sensitive as the finger tips and lips. Interestingly, the human foreskin is also used in the manufacture of facial skin creams, skin grafts, and porous bandages.

The goal of circumcision is permanent exposure of the head of the penis so that it ceases to be hidden by the foreskin. The two styles of circumcision done in the Philippines include the “dorsal cut” and the “German cut.” 

• The dorsal cut is one short snip of the foreskin, with the snip being as long as the penile head. In the dorsal cut, there is no foreskin removed. Once the cut heals, the foreskin just droops to the sides and underside of the penis as loose skin. Because the dorsal slit is simple and quick to do, this is the style of circumcision commonly done in “operation tuli” or “mass circumcision” events. 
• In the German cut, much or all of the foreskin is surgically removed. Without the foreskin, the penis attains a neater and sleeker look. The German cut however is a more bloody, time-consuming, and complicated procedure since it involves cutting off the foreskin all around the circumference of the penis. 

Medically speaking, there is no reason to do routine circumcision on males. Circumcision is necessary only when the foreskin is too tight, thereby resulting in the following problems:

• Strangulation of the penis head
• Obstruction of urination and ejaculation
• Ballooning of the foreskin with urine
• Recurrent urinary tract infections
• Skin lesions
• Painful erections and painful sex. 

When done correctly, circumcision poses no physical harm on the patient except of course for the wound it creates. Barring infection, the wound generally heals within 2 weeks. 

Culturally speaking, Filipino tradition dictates that all males must be circumcised at birth or around pubertal age. This Filipino tradition of circumcision is primarily based on the myth that circumcision will make boys grow taller, bigger, and more fertile. Filipinos also insist on circumcision because uncircumcised penises are considered disgusting and smelly due to smegma which accumulates underneath the foreskin. Smegma is an accumulation of dead skin, oils, sweat, and grime. “Kupal” in fact, which is the Tagalog word for smegma, is taboo in conversations and is spewed out as a cuss word.

Psychologically speaking, Filipino males need to be circumcised, otherwise they become the butt of ridicule and insults. It is a source of confidence and pride for Filipino boys to courageously suffer the “ordeal” of circumcision. To shirk away from this rite-of-passage is a sign of cowardice and inferiority. For Filipino males, it is not the surgical procedure of circumcision which causes long-term psychological trauma but rather, the shameful state of being uncircumcised. 

Philippine culture is not yet ready to accept uncircumcision as a norm for Filipino males. Since the circumcision experience is here to stay, here are some insights to make “pagtutuli” less nerve-wracking for the boys:

• Children who are excessively fearful of pain, needles, and blood should be given more emotional support to allay their anxieties. They should never be forced into circumcision.
• Circumcision should never be a public spectacle like what happens in “operation tuli” events. Because the procedure involves the reproductive organs, the children’s privacy must be respected.
• Boys waiting in line should not be allowed to hear the hysterical bawling of those undergoing the knife, otherwise, they too lose their nerves. On the other hand, when boys are in the company of other “brave” boys who show that they’ll tough the circumcision out, they become braver themselves. 
• Parents should be aware that not all the people doing circumcisions in “operation tuli” events are doctors. Some are nurses, health workers, and medical students who are merely developing their skills. Parents are better off consulting a private doctor who has much experience and skill in circumcisions. 
• And lastly, circumcision is better done on older boys since they are more capable of giving fuller informed consent to the surgical procedure.

The Emotional Roller Coaster Ride of Bipolar Disorder

Two weeks prior to her fatal leap from the 28th floor of her residential building, socialite-model Helena Belmonte tweeted the message, “Slash my wrists and hope to die!”

Helena Belmonte

Most people harbor the belief that those who are trulysuicidal do not go around announcing their plans to commit suicide.  Unfortunately, that belief is a mistaken belief.

Helena cried for help

The truth is that many suicidal people can actually be saved because they call out for help by giving hints of their suicidal intention.  For Helena, it just wasn’t a subtle hint she gave. She posted a direct message to her thousands of followers on Twitter, warning them all of the possibility of killing herself.  Sadly, the post was generally unheeded by most of her followers, with 8 people even favoriting the tweet and 10 people retweeting it.

How alcohol didn’t help

A few hours before her tragic fall, she was reported to be partying with too much to drink. Getting drunk was probably what sealed her fate.  First of all, alcohol removed her inhibitions and made her carry out the impulse to jump off the building.  Secondly, alcohol is a brain depressant and it may have intensified her depression and death wish.  Thirdly, alcohol doesn’t mix well with psychiatric medications. The alcohol Helena drank would have interacted badly with any psychiatric medication in her system, possibly worsening her mental confusion and emotional instability.

Whatever her problems were, the only thing that could have saved the impulsively unpredictable and suicidal Helena at that time was psychiatric confinement and intensive monitoring until she regained mental calmness and emotional composure.

Helena’s illness

So what is this bipolar disorder which Helena was reported to have?

Mel Gibson

Bipolar disorder is a psychiatric condition which involves extreme mood swings. “Bipolar” means “having two poles” which refer to mania and depression. Hence, bipolar disorder is also known as “manic-depressive” disorder.  People who suffer from bipolar disorder swing alternately from having long bouts of depression to having long bouts of mania.

The manic stage

People with mania act like they are on shabu or some other type of upper. Mania is characterized by:

• An extremely happy or angry mood
• Having grand and unrealistic ideas
• Extreme talkativity
• Hyperactive thinking
• Hyperactive behaviour
• Impulsive behaviours such as overspending or giving away things
• Shortened sleep

Ben Stiller

The depressive stage

Depression, on the other hand, is characterized by:

• Lingering feelings of sadness or irritability
• Loss of motivation, initiative, and zest for living
• Low energy level
• A pessimistic mindset full of worries, fears and concerns
• Losing appetite or over-eating
• Insomnia or over-sleeping
• Negative self-image and low self-confidence
• Poor concentration and memory
• Self-harm or suicidal thoughts and behaviors

Cause and treatments

Bipolar disorder is caused by neuro-chemical imbalances in the brain.  Thankfully, bipolar disorder is a very treatable condition.  The essential treatment for bipolar disorder consists of mood-stabilizing medication.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Improvements

In my clinical practice, most people with bipolar disorder experience significant improvement within 2 to 3 weeks of taking the right medications at the right dosage.  Psychotherapy is also necessary because emotional problems often trigger the bipolar disorder.  Wellness therapies like acupuncture, cranio-sacral therapy, massage, and exercise are all beneficial. Omega-3 fish oil and high-potency vitamin B complex are helpful supplements to take.

The disorder as an excuse?

In the Philippines, a number of celebrities are reported to have bipolar disorder.  It seems however that some of them are using the disorder as a convenient excuse (or license) for their wayward attitudes and behaviors.

While some Filipinos consider it shameful to have the disorder, others actually consider bipolar disorder as a status symbol since many prominent people in the U.S. have it.

Jean Claude Van Damme

Living a normal life with the disorder

As a psychiatrist, I tell people that having bipolar disorder shouldn’t be an impediment to living a normal life.  Jim Carey, Ben Stiller, Mel Gibson, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Catherine Zeta-Jones have all lived highly productive and successful lives despite being manic-depressive.

People with bipolar disorder can certainly recover and become emotionally stable. In fact, with proper treatment, no one might even notice or suspect that they have the condition.

Jim Carey

Yes! John Travolta and Regine Velasquez have sexdaily!

John Travolta hasn’t made a blockbuster movie in ages and so, his star has dimmed quite a bit. But in the few minutes of being a presenter at this year’s Oscars, he once again became an overnight sensation albeit for an embarrassing mistake: He introduced the singer Idina Menzel by a strange name that vaguely sounded like “Adele Dazeem.” 

Travolta’s hilarious flub (or epic fail, as netizens put it) spawned two news words for the dictionary- “travoltify” and “travoltification,” both of which refer to the mangling or butchering of one’s name. The incident also inspired techno-geeks to create a widget called an “Adele Dazeem Generator’ which produces a “travoltified” version of one’s name. Playing around with the Adele Dazeem Generator, it was amusing to discover that John Travolta’s travoltified name is “Jan Thozomas.” That’s how he might have read his own name if he read it from the teleprompter at Oscars Night. 

On a serious note however, the incident placed in the spotlight the condition called ‘dyslexia”- the probable culprit in the travoltification of Idina Menzel’s name.

Famous personalities known to have dyslexia include Tom Cruise, Magic Johnson, Keannu Reeves, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Pablo Picasso, George Washington, Walt Disney, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Steven Spielberg.

In the local scene, our very own songbird, Regine Velasquez, is a self-diagnosed and self-confessed dyslexic. In an interview with Yahoo! blogger Gerry Plaza, she admitted to being both a slow reader and bad speller who interchanged her b’s and d’s. She admitted to having ugly handwriting and in school, she was allegedly bullied for being perceived as a stupid child. Regine also narrated that it was her strong memorization skills that helped her compensate for the challenges of dyslexia.

Dyslexia is a learning disorder which affects many children. It is characterized by difficulties in reading, writing, and spelling. Experts explain that dyslexics have difficulty in accurately interpreting the printed word and in matching the words with their appropriate sounds. People tend to think that dyslexics are lazy or stupid but in reality, they are generally creative individuals who possess normal or even high IQ. Dyslexia is a life-long condition and it runs in families. In fact, if one parent has it, there is a 50% chance of passing the condition onto the child. Some dyslexics actually enjoy reading, although they may need to read more slowly.

If you’re wondering whether you’re dyslexic or not, here are ten questions for you to assess yourself:

• Do you dislike reading, especially if the reading material is lengthy?
• Do you read slowly?
• Are there times that you don’t read linearly from left to right?
• Do you omit words or parts of words when reading?
• Do you reverse the sequence of letters?

• Do you have difficulty in remembering the sequence of letters, numbers, words, and shapes?
• Are you poor in spelling?
• Are you poor in math?
• Do you make mistakes in reading aloud, and therefore dislike reading aloud?
• Do you have handwriting which others find ugly or illegible?

If you answered “yes” to 7 or more of the above questions, you probably have dyslexia and need to get help from a specialist. Specialists can teach you strategies on how to improve your reading and writing ability, techniques on how to reduce your stress and anxiety levels, and tips on how to conceal the symptoms of your dyslexia.

As for John Travolta, he really did a courageous thing in attempting to read what was written on the teleprompter. Of course, as a presenter, he has no excuse for not knowing beforehand who he was going to introduce.  Hopefully, he learns from his mistake, laughs off the flub, and moves on in life. 

It’s a good thing though that the phrase “I have dyslexia” wasn’t written on the teleprompter. Can you just imagine how the audience would react if John mistakenly read it as “I have sexdaily.”?